Sous les pavés, la plage!

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Under the paving stones, the beach!

The phrase dates from 1968 student riots in Paris, and the paving stones pulled up and thrown at the police. Once the stones were pulled up, sand was found beneath. One can easily make the metaphor that freedom lurks beneath conformity; you just gotta find it.
Perhaps the Bernie Folks should go ahead and appropriate this one for themselves. The same feeling—almost—is in the air—and it is apt to end the same way.

To put it as gently as possible, elections, at all levels, go to the candidate that knows how to play the game. To put anyone else in office requires more than a ballot box, I’m afraid.
I tried to get the highest res picture of a Ouija Board that I could, for your dining and channeling pleasure. Channel whom, you ask? Good question. At this point, you might be considering Ben Franklin or John Adams or any of those other worthies who set all this in motion, lo these many years ago.

Elections go to the candidate that knows how to play the game.

Nice guess, but, sorry, no cigar. I’ve got someone else in mind, and, to go along with the title, he’s French! Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre. Mad Max! You say you want a revolution, well, Robespierre is just who yer gonna need to pull the revolution off. And, by revolution, I mean a revolution that’s gonna make the French Revolution look like a jardin fête that Marie Antoinette threw at Versailles prior to Max and company taking over.

The gentlemen that stage the revolution in this country, circa 1776, were well-versed in the writings of Locke, Hume, and Montesquieu, amongst many others…you know…the Enlightenment.

You, Dear American Revolutionary, circa 2016, should be well-versed in M. Robespierre. Whatever else Robespierre knew, he definitely knew how to take care of entrenched, entitled assholes. He didn’t just send them to bed sans dinner. He didn’t just send them to bed sans dessert. He sent them to the graveyard sans their fucking head.

To put it bluntly, we have gone past the point in this country where change can be effected at the ballot box. Most legislative bodies in this country are totally in the bag for Big Business. You want the change of which you speak? Welp, Max is your man—and he is anxiously awaiting to get back in the game!

Image ~ Betagalactosidase on Deviant Art

OuijaBoard

Print this and you and your friends can bring up M. Robespierre!

 

 

ooooo

The Red Line train shuffles onto the Northbound tracks as it approaches the Airport station, and coasts to a stop; the end of the line. The doors open and he steps onto the platform as a humid gust of wind blows through.

He walks to the end of the platform and looks over the long runway as an MD-80 shatters the hum of the airport, starting its take off roll. Taking off east, he thinks. The journey West will start east.

He walks down the stairs and out of the train station into the South terminal—Delta International Airport—passing the always silent messengers of the Lord, some church or religious group always in the MARTA stations, and courteously never coming after you, just waiting to pounce should you ask them.

He and Phil walk into the South Terminal and out to the Sky Caps to get their boarding pass, for good or ill, this is a carry-on excursion to New Orleans. It looked like they’d make the flight even though they had just spent more time on the Alstom train than they were likely to spend on the Boeing plane. God, nearly an hour from the hospital station to here. Did Kenny make to? They are getting ready to find out.

Walking up to the kiosk—do they even have Sky Caps now?—he snaps back. He slides his card in and out and follows the prompts to check a single bag. He drops the bag with the attendant at the nearby desk. “Have a good flight, sir.” He’s thinking that at least these people no longer have to ask who packed your bags, as if a terrorist would volunteer the info that the bomb maker packed the bags with a surprise.

He walks through the atrium and eyes the TSA line and breathes a sigh of relief: the line is short. In the line, he takes off his shoes, belt and lays them and his dignity on the belt. He goes thru the x-ray machine but still get called for a pat down. He eyes the TSA guy who eyes him and pats him down. The last squeeze is, well, slightly x-rated. He thinks for once, all this nonsense is worth it. He puts his shoes on again but is halfway down the tunnel before he notices his belt’s not buckled.

He gets to the gate and gazes out at the L-1011. This was his first time flying and his first time away from home for this long a time. He is still surprised his parents took as little persuading as they did to let him do this. A shortened summer term with two classes and independent study. This will be fun, he thinks. He’s overdressed in coat and dress pants, but, well, this how people are supposed to dress when flying, so his parents, and others that would know, say. Between chop over Harrisburg and Albany he winds up with creamy Italian dressing on his shirt and hot coffee on his crotch. Stained shirt is one thing, burnt Dick & Balls is another…a narrow miss, to put it mildly.

The one thing running thru his mind now is the Jew of Malta. They saw the Marlowe play at the Barbican; Alun Armstrong played Barabas; he’d been fascinated that there was yet one more way to spell Alan/Allan/Allen/Alain. The beginning of play had Machiavel rising from pit in the floor  to proclaim, amongst other thing,  “I count religion but a childish toy,/And hold there is no sin but ignorance.”

He remembers the others, Dalton and Redgrave in A Touch of the Poet, seeing Queen Elizabeth at Saint Paul’s. He’s seen the Queen twice: once in London and once in the colonies when she was on her way to Monticello to mark the 200th anniversary with Ford. He never saw an American president.

Now, looking out at the 777 as the catering trucks and luggage trains swirl about, somehow never colliding with each other or the trucks pumping Jet-A into the wings.

The plane taxies away from the gate and down the apron. He is surprised when the plane turns left without hesitation and heads down the taxiway to 27R. The first time in all his years flying that the direction of the airport changed between checkin and takeoff. The L-1011 went down the taxiway, flaps and slats noisy grinding down, as they prepared to takeoff into the setting sun, golden light glaring off the cabin. He could feel excitement all over.

Now the concourses slid past as 777 slowly rolls down the tarmac, its flaps and slats going down with a bit less noise than its predecessor. He thinks the first time he left Hartsfield, it was on 27R; now, he leaves one last time on 27R He hears the pilot say something over the PA, but really pays no more attention to than he had the safety film. At the point where the plane should have held, the engines started spinning up; what the hell, he thinks. A rolling start on a 777…never done this.

He sits back as the giant plane gathers speed on its take off roll. Being a short—for this plane—domestic flight, there isn’t much fuel so the plane rotates climbs out quickly. He briefly glances out the window but does not tarry his gaze on the city where he’s spent most of his life. In any case, as the plane quickly climbed out, the city fell further behind.

When the cabin crew, stewardesses in his uncle’s day—stews, he called them—started circulating again, he asks for a ginger ale, his more or less official drink on a plane. Growing up, his parents only kept ginger ale around for sick days, never much else. He loved the stuff, but always associated it having just thrown up or waiting for a stomach rumble to end in a shart.

John had taken him down to Hartsfield once to ride in a simulator, a 727. He had a go at it, and managed to put the ’27 in the weeds just beyond the FLY DELTA’S JETS sign. John’s air stories were always the best, and apparently this one time, at LAX, a stew walks into the cockpit and told them that Liz Taylor was on board. The flight engineer—a quaint DC-8—goes back and has a look, comes back and says, “yep, that’s Liz.” Captain goes back comes back and says “sure as shit, that’s Elizabeth Taylor.” John goes back, sees her at her, uh, not mid-70s best, comes back and says “Christ, how are we gonna get this thing up?” Flight Engineer says “That’s what Fisher used to say.” They all laugh. Stewardess says “Come on guys, she’s had it rough the last couple of years…”

His mother’s mother never liked John, and he, well, never liked her. For his part, she was one more scold telling him how to live, for her, he was living proof that someone somewhere was a having an unauthorized good time. He always loved John cuz he was fun to be around, always had jokes you couldn’t repeat around the other adults. And one time, when someone made fun of his stutter, John had instantly cut them off.

Plus, if they were all in Roanoke, he might take the cousins down to the Roanoke Weiner Stand, down on the market. True to it’s name, it served hotdogs and little else, fries and soft drinks. All the way was mustard, onions, and chili. One of the original owners was usually there to put chili onto the dog, and the last time he went in, the guy was still there, at the age of 150, still putting chili on dogs and still saying the age-old “Somebody’s gotta be next.”

As he got older, he preferred the Texas Tavern several blocks over. The Tavern’s menu is a bit more extensive, even if the only thing he’d ever ordered was the chili dogs. He usually saved the Tavern or the Weiner Stand for a post-hike bite. The AT arc’d North and East around the City, and he always hiked some portion of it when he could.

He’d been on this flight more than a few times, the first back, way back, when it was a MD-11, bless its 3-engined heart. He was listening to a Coltrane playlist when he faintly heard a cabin announcement; he took his earbuds out in time to hear the captain explain what and where Shiprock is; to give everyone a chance to see it, he was dropping the left wing. He looked down at the massive rock formation on the New Mexico desert.

He was flying on an accidental flight with Phil to Los Angeles when the pilot did the same thing so everyone could see a crater put there by a meteorite eons ago. That flight was supposed to be a short flight to Toronto to see the Film Festival there. They got to the airport, and Phil realized he didn’t have his birth certificate and the Delta people told him he might not be able to get into Canada. They weighed their options and decided to burn some miles and go to the capital of movies and create their own film festival. So instead of a Mad Dog to Toronto, they had a ’57 to LA.

They found a room in West Hollywood at a Ramada that had clearly been redone by the Gay Decorating Mafia. It was not yer Grandma’s Ramada. One of the guys at the desk had pointed them down the strip to a local dive. Walking into the bar that evening, they hit it off with the bartender and a local. Soon enough, they were joined by a woman who, claiming to be a singer, would occasionally belt out some faint hint of a show tune—well, he guessed, show tunes were never his thing. Phil and the local guy talking, and the woman starting telling him about her career, she was,as her voiced confirmed, from England. She told him how she wound up in Hollywood and he guessed that story had been told a thousand times by as many people. Oh, and she was scheduled to be on Jay Leno next Tuesday night.

The woman’s attention was suddenly directed toward someone else. The local guy and the bartender asked him if he’d enjoyed his conversation with the Queen Mother. The Queen Mum? Yeah, that’s her nickname. She’d been around for a long as either one of them could remember and she was laboring—mightily, it appeared—under the impression that she could sing. Oh, and she almost always tried to bum a drink or a cigarette or something. Phil looked at him, “You didn’t give her anything…”

“No, she asked for money for something, I think. She is charming, I guess.”

The next Tuesday night, when the Queen Mum of Hollywood  was supposed to be on Leno, she wasn’t. Nor was anyone, for that matter. September 11, 2001 was the day that interrupted a lot of things.

She was still occupied in the back of the bar. Phil had struck up a conversation with a couple, the girl of which knew a dance club down the Santa Monica; she could get them all in sans cover. So, well, why not. They got in her car and went down to the club. It was fun doing something totally on the spur of the moment with someone you hadn’t known an hour before. Since smoking was verboten in California bars, it was equally nice to walk into a bar smelling like Chanel and walking out smelling like Chanel.

Going around Los Angeles watching indie films was a lot of fun and so was touring Paramount, including the Soul Train set. Going totally rogue on plans was a great time had by all.

His mind is thinking ahead to what do once this plane lands. This trip is beyond any plans he’d made. He was going to LA and then, maybe, San Francisco, driving, he guessed, up 1 and 101. He wanted to see Gordita Beach, Manhattan Beach as imagined by Pynchon in Inherent Vice. Somewhere in the area, just up from the beach is the house where he’d written Gravity’s Rainbow. He was now trying to finish re-reading the book. The book, in fact, was why he was now heading to LA. He wanted to come to an end in the same place where the narrative is ended by 00000.

Gravity’s Rainbow, his favorite, he guessed, had started off in London, and now the L-1011 was, showing by the chart on the bulkhead by the center lavatory, halfway across the Atlantic. Gordon was doing an independent project based on A Word Child. He’d thought about suggesting doing something similar with the Pynchon novel, but, well, he was guessing someone like Pynchon would be viewed dimly by the powers that be in the English Department and, he was reasonably certain he didn’t even understand half the book. It defied easy explanation by anyone, let alone him. He did, fueled by gin and tonic, go looking for the approximate location of Prentice’s digs, the house with the bananary on the roof.

He was imaging what the finished paper would look like. Him standing at all the places on the map where the rockets hit…where Slothrop had a one night stand, where he’d gotten a boner. What does he do? Stand there are make a self-portrait with a boner in some London neighborhood? He could think of a person or two that might like that….

The late-morning sun glares off the knife-edge of the wing as the slats and trailing flaps slowly cut down into the current. Clouds and time rush past as the 777 slices down toward Los Angeles. The journey westward is nearly complete.

From Ireland…

The Irish taoiseach, Enda Kenny, here to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day, lectured La Douche Orange on immigration in L’Orange’s own house. Good for Kenny. Not that L’Orange paid much attention, nor, I imagine, did he give much thought to the fact that he has a golf course in Ireland. Still, nice to see someone giving it to him.

Like a lot of people in this country, my ancestors didn’t start here, and a few came from Ireland. On my mom’s side, the McNeils moved from Scotland to Ireland before immigrating to the US. The Hills, Robert and Violetta, were from County Dublin, and immigrated to the Pennsylvania colony in the 1760s. One of their daughters, Ruth, married my great grandfather Walter Bernard.

Once War for Independence (Slán, English pig dogs!) began, Violetta saw to it that troops in her area were fed and clothed (the DAR lists her as patriot, just as it does her son-in-law, who fought with a rifle).

Mr. Kenny spoke of “…millions out there who want to play their part for America — if you like, who want to make America great.” The Hills, and countless others made their way here to make a better life for themselves, and in the process, made a great country*.

L’Orange has no idea what makes a country great, or even, apparently, what makes a country run, and it is good when he and his fans are publicly reminded of this.

*  Many countless others were brought here against their will too…

Another List

It was on Twitter, or maybe Facebook, or, maybe, it was on a “You May Also Like” lists on a news site, or wherever. Anyway, earlier today, I saw yet another listicle of TOP Republicans that aren’t voting for Trump. To whomever keeps publishing this crap, please give me something I can really use, like, say, Top Cake Mixes that use the fewest eggs or the most bourbon, cuz, really, the ongoing lists of GOP worthies is worse than useless.

Worse than useless you say? Yes, I do, and I’ll even tell you why. The GOP, the Republican Party, only exists in the minds of the folks putting their names on these inane lists.

Once upon a time, Richard Nixon discovered how many voters he could pull in using his Southern Strategy™®. You know, pulling in all the old Democrats from the South who discovered LBJ had taken them for a ride he signed the Civil Rights legislation in the mid-Sixties. Well, they weren’t gonna stand for this desegregation mess, and Nixon saw the opportunity of a lifetime, and, well, he took it. And he was elected president. Twice. The second time, by near acclamation.

Then along comes Ronald Reagan in 1980, and while Ronnie wasn’t too fond of Nixon, he and his team saw no harm in trying the Southern Strategy again. And boy, did it ever work. Turns out, talking about Law ’n’ Order will bring ’em a runnin’!

Anyway, here we all are, lo these many years later, and, well, all the old Country Club Republicans are just about gone. You know, the ones that voted for Ike, and later Nixon, Ford, etc. Now you basically have a party full of folks that heard the Southern Strategy™® dog whistle and came running. They didn’t then nor now give a shit about the GOP heirarchy. They don’t care what any of them say, think, or do. They don’t read the National Review, care not a whit what the ghost of Bill Buckley would want them to do. They just know that Donald of Orange is gonna make America great again—they have no idea now, and he, even less. But Orange Donne’s gonna do it!

So yeah, I’m waiting for the cake listicle.

The Fall

Lived

May I, monsieur, offer my story without running the risk of intruding on your dinner? I mean, you did want to know what kind of life I lived? Right?

Well, it all started on a small—for a Con Agra establishment—farm in Rockingham County. I was raised on CA’s prime Big Breast Turkey Feed™—more like forced-fed, but let’s not go there. I was told there was blue skies outside the turkey coop, but I never got out the door, what with gobbling up delicious BBTF eleventy times a day.

Then one day, Farmer comes out and announces that Farmer Obama up the road just pardoned a turkey at the Big Farm. He then said he wouldn’t be pardoning any of us, HAHA! He did say to look on the bright side…even if we were pardoned, we’d be dead before Christmas. Something about modern turkeys being bred to eat, not to live. Anyway, it’s a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.

But enough about me, what about you? You’re looking pretty rough there. You know the feeling…you’re starting to feel a little woozy, you’re starting to feel like your dinner is getting ready to make a quick exit…out the front and back of the, uh, coop, yeah, you know what I mean. No amount of Imodium can stop this… Yeah, I’ve been meaning to tell you, my old farm, Turkey Farm Nr. 340311 just got shut down…something about mutated Ebola-Cholera Turkey Transmutation 0C5547BB-1. Yeah, that’s it, let the turkey flow thru you.

We’ll be together real soon—we can go check out that blue sky they told me about.

A Night to Remember

If the present incarnation of the GOP resembled the old in any way save the name, we might be in for two years of talk of tax reform, immigration reform, that sort of thing. What we’ll get, along those lines, is tax reform where business pays even less and immigration reform along the lines of deport all the Mexicans to Mexico and all the Chinamen to China. ¡Reform!

That’s if we’re lucky.

What we’re likely to get is two years of what the GOP is now expert at delivering…

  • An amendment making Christianity the Official Religion™ of these here United States
  • An amendment making abortion illegal on Earth, Mars, and the outer rings of Saturn
  • A murder of Representatives filing bills to make every other day Bible Day
  • An amendment making Englush* the Official Language of these here United States
  • An amendment requiring Ebolas to have two forms of ID to vote
  • An amendment outlawing the Gays
  • An amendment abolishing evolushun and making Creationism official
  • A race ’tween the House and Senate to see how many times they can repeal Obummercare
  • A race ’tween the House and Senate to see how many things they can name for Ronald Reagan
  • A race to see how many times they can bring Donald Trump to full orgasm

On one of the Sunday TeeVee talk shows little Billy Kristol—no, not THAT Billy Crystal, the other one, Irving and Gert’s boy—gave utterance to his fear that if the GOP takes the Senate, they’ll actually have to govern. Well they did, and now they will. Except what they call governing, the rest call a Marx Brothers’ film, and tonight, ladies and gentleman, the part of Harpo and his magic horn will be portrayed by Mr. McConnell.

Now everybody—

P.S. Joni Ernst is going to be a blast. Michele Bachmann may be gone, but now we’ve got Joni, who appears to be even crazier.

* they may turn out their base, but they still can’t spell for shit.

Thus spake Milord

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 10.04.07 PM

After Thommy Tillis and another Jones Street Lard Bottom tried to delay the order of the court, Pat, Earl of Duke made this announcement Friday evening.

His Lordship said:

“The administration is moving forward with the execution of the court’s ruling and will continue to do so unless otherwise notified by the courts. Each agency will work through the implications of the court’s ruling regarding its operations.”

In the last 60 years, The Lord has lost count of the number of times that a state formerly belonging to the Confederarse States of America has had to cop to executing an order of the court. If you can’t get there on time, get there when you can.

When I was in school, one of the professors had a large whitewashed board in his office. In large plain type, the message was clear: Do Right Because it is Right. Just once, it would be nice to see one of these Confederarse* states do something right because it is right, not because they got a billet-doux from a Supreme that closed with It is so ordered.

Res ipsa loquitur.

* Yes, I know, there are states just as backward that never belonged to the Confederarcy; but you can bet that if a state claimed membership in that august league, they will still be trying to do that Confederarse thing.

Love’s

“It’s a GOLDMINE in there,” said Mr. Buzz-Cut Blonde.

Getting off I-85 at the second southbound exit in South Carolina, I was behind a tractor trailer, and Mr. BCB was trying to get around me, as he figured he could beat me, AND the truck. The only thing at this exit was Love’s. Why he thought both the truck and me were going elsewhere, who knows. Once he saw the truck was turning towards Love’s, he put the brakes on.

We both pulled into the Love’s to get gas; I got out and started fill the car, he looked at the gas pump, and turned to go inside. He was wearing tight, off-white pants, and tried to pull his tee shirt down over his hindquarters. Odd, since I surmised the pants had been chosen to display the hindquarters for all the world to admire.

A few minutes later, I walked into building and there he stood, energy drink in hand, still yammering on the iPhone. I got a bottle of water and stood two behind him in line as he continued to tell his phone what opportunities there were to be had somewhere—the location no doubt established before Mr. BCB got off the Interstate. He never paused the conversation, even as he told the cashier what pump he was on, and handed her a card for the gas and drink.

Carefully balancing the drink and phone, he pulled his shirt down as far over his bum as he could. Maybe the tighty off-white whitey pants seemed like a good idea when he was dressing this morning, but clearly, modesty was getting the better of him now.

When I walked out to my car, he was, with one hand, putting gas in the tank, still talking to someone looking for a goldmine.

KNOW YOUR EGOMANIACAL NARCISSIST!

YOUR SANITY MAY DEPEND ON IT!

You may not be able to see his face because of the Tea-ShadesiPhone, but his knuckles will be white from holding the phone at the cockamamie angle required to get the just right look. He will babble about himself when questioned. He will not find you the least bit engaging. The Egomaniacal Narcissist looks right through you into the nearest mirror.

BEWARE! Anyone approaching the self-absorbed individual should take all necessary force immediately.

Good luck.

—The Chief

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